When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one Media Conglomerate to dissolve the political bands which have connected it with Ridiculousness, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. MTV, VH1, and CMT hold these truths to be self-evident: That Music Videos and Love And Hip-Hop are created equal, that Music is endowed by its Creators with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty from whines of “Why doesn’t anyone make Music Videos anymore?”, and the pursuit of Happiness—such as the Happiness granted to employees of Viacom Media Networks who get to take a long weekend because someone else is monitoring a 12-hour feed of music programming on July 4, 2013.
Therefore, the representatives of Music Television, Video Hits One, and Country Music Television, in General Congress, solemnly declare Music Independence Day, wherein all three Stations will band together in the spirit of bold patriots like Martha “Washington, If You Consider Her Mother Of A Music Video Nation” Quinn and the late J.J. “Way Cooler Than Andrew” Jackson to free Music from the tyranny of MADE marathons. Music Creators are also encouraged to submit their songs and videos to the Networks as part of a seemingly unprecedented Policy of exposing lesser-known Artists to a Mass Audience—even though there’s an Internet for doing that now. For the support of this Declaration, the Networks pledge to Viewers their Lives, Fortunes, and sacred Honor of playing “Get Lucky” at least once.
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