Answering the nation’s call for more things that can be put on ironically in the background of New Year’s Eve parties, Fox has ordered a New Year’s Eve special starring Pitbull, composer of some the modern era’s most strenuously ignored music. The man whose voice is even now buried beneath the din of all the world’s worst bars will host Pitbull’s New Year’s Revolution—so named for the way it will completely revolutionize New Year’s Eve television specials. For example, rather than New York, it will take place in Pitbull’s home of Miami, where it will be slightly less cold. Also, you can probably expect Pitbull to inject some of his signature “Spanglish” flavor into the proceedings, possibly even putting some Spanish numbers into the countdown. Also, when the countdown finishes, it will be yesterday. It’s a revolution.
“Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but whatever happens in Miami never happened, Daleee!” Pitbull said in an actual statement that was actually released to the press, as a means of enticing people to start their year by not really listening to him.