Netflix launching its own awards, honoring outstanding achievements in Netflix 

Netflix launching its own awards, honoring outstanding achievements in Netflix 

Increasingly confident of its own power, Netflix has branched out beyond acquiring original programming and attempting to become a cable competitor into hosting its very own awards, with the express purpose of honoring itself. Of course, as with Netflix’s programming, the selection is somewhat limited, and you can easily choose to ignore suggestions that you watch it: The Flixies—as they’ve been christened by the company, who demonstrated with “Qwikster” that they’re all out of catchy names—will feature nominees from Netflix’s most popular titles, separated into categories the service believes reflect the way most people consume its content, and similarly set up to help Netflix record every single thing it can about its users.

Subscribers and non-subscribers alike can vote in this glamorous tribute to data-mining for things like Best Marathon TV Show (perhaps while scoffing at the idea that anyone would “marathon” Revenge), get angry that Best Guilty Pleasure equates Buffy The Vampire Slayer with the likes of Toddlers & Tiaras, and vote on cutesy accolades like Best Commute Shortener, Best Tantrum Tamer (for children’s programming), a Best Bromance category that’s confusingly applied to movies like Snatch and Battle Royale where “bros” kill each other, and also Best PMS Drama and Best Hangover Cure, the latter of which dubiously suggests that Nacho Libre would somehow be helpful in alleviating headaches.

You can also write in suggestions for next year’s categories, as this is apparently going to be a thing from now on. We suggest “Best Reminder That Joe Piscopo Starred In A Movie Called Dead Heat,” with the nominee “Every Damn Time We Sign Into Our Instant Queue, Just Because We Watched Night Of The Comet Once.”