The recently debuted humbler, quieter model of Charlie Sheen—the one who has a new TV show to sell—has reached an appropriately anticlimactic agreement in his $100 million lawsuit against Warner Bros. and Two And A Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, officially bringing to an end our brief national fascination with the complex inner workings of one of the simplest shows on television. After spending half the year threatening Lorre with violent haikus, then touring the world with his sideshow of spite, Sheen finally deployed his F-18s and strafed the terrain and then sent his samurai assassins or whatever to collect a check for around $25 million and sign a confidentiality agreement. In fire. And while Lorre worried aloud in his most recent vanity card that Sheen may one day revive this whole mess with a “tell-all book,” for right now Charlie Sheen remains every bit as quiet and gracious as he has been lately, ever since being forced to shut up as Lionsgate began trying to convince a network that he’s still employable. All in all, it was a loud, chaotic, yet ultimately brief and bloodless skirmish, and now that it’s over, we can all take solace knowing that, in the end, Charlie Sheen got more money.
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com