Newly uptight hippie ice-cream peddler Ben & Jerry's has already tasted the rich, frothy outrage spurted over its Schweddy Balls, and this dalliance with the doyennes of moralistic theater seems to have effectively soured them on any other flavors that might tread too closely to indecency. It's presumably why the company has yet to take us up on our suggestion of a Wayne's World-themed Pralines & Dick, and it's definitely why it’s now suing Rodax Distributors and Caballero Video, makers of the Ben & Cherry's X-rated DVD series, accusing them of "tarnishing Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.'s name by creating an association with pornography." The lawsuit points out that the packaging on their "exploitative, hardcore" porn mirrors Ben & Jerry's own, tossing images of "green grass," "large white puffy clouds," and what surely must be one confused "grazing cow" behind its actors, and creating an implicit link between their ice cream and sex that goes well beyond Karamel Sutra.
Furthermore, the suit says, the company's titles all parody recognizable Ben & Jerry's flavors, turning them into flavors of sexual preference and perversity such as: Peanut Butter D-Cup for large-breasted women; Chocolate Fudge Babes for African-American women; Hairy Garcia for hirsute women; New York Fat And Chunky for large women; Americone Cream for " a delicious mix of hot American gay men;" and in perhaps the most pointless example, Boston Cream Thigh, substituted for the already-plenty-porny Boston Cream Pie. The suit seeks unspecified damages for the infringement, as well as a public shaming for failing to make Hubby's Chubby, Hot Cinnamon Buns, S'moreSex, What A Clusterfuck, Bonnaroo Butts, Imagine Whirled Piece Of Ass, Chunky Monkey Lovin', Everything But The…Vagina, and, of course, Mud Pie—because what, do we have to do everything here? Hopefully it does, however, offer a reduced penalty out of gratitude for not doing anything with Phish Food.
Submit your Newswire tips here.