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Oscars not letting Banksy on stage wearing a stupid monkey mask or whatever

In an effort to preserve the stolid, turgid dignity of the Oscars, the Academy has already begun crafting a contingency plan should Exit Through The Gift Shop win for Best Documentary, thereby inviting the chance that director and prankish provocateur Banksy might actually, you know, accept. In the words of the Academy’s executive director Bruce Davis, “The fun but disquieting scenario is if that film wins and five guys in monkey masks come to the stage all saying, 'I'm Banksy!' Who the hell do we give it to?" Uh, the biggest monkey. Obviously. Anyway, while Davis laughs it off as “the fun part of this job,” saying, “There’s always some crazy-ass wrinkle you never thought of before,” his excitement over a possible moment of actual spontaneity was apparently no match for the concerns that “it would not be dignified for the Academy to have somebody come up wearing a monkey's head,” so the plan now is to give it to the film’s producer Jaimie D’Cruz instead. Which seems like an odd alternative, considering this would be a perfect opportunity for “Banksy” to finally reveal that he is, in actuality, James Franco.  

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