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Paul Giamatti joins the cast of Downton Abbey

In a story being cheerfully greeted by college-educated white people across America and the UK, beloved thespian Paul Giamatti is joining the cast of servant-porn soap opera Downton Abbey for its upcoming fourth season. "This really changes the game for us," said one PBS executive. "The show has already been a solid hit amongst liberal arts graduates and people who routinely apologize for Obama when he does stuff Bush would have done, but with [the addition of Giamatti], we could have a full-blown four-quadrant hit on our hands. NPR listeners, hybrid car owners, Whole Foods shoppers, and the most important quadrant, people who regularly give to PBS."

Since Giamatti's turns as salt-of-the-earth creative types in Sideways and American Splendor, he's been beloved by affluent whites who are neither salt-of-the-earth, nor as creative as their jobs in web design or raising awareness would imply. One longtime fan of the show probably said, "I was starting to feel down, what with Mad Men wrapping up for the year, but now I have this news to sustain me until January. Of course, in England they'll get to see it in September. Damn it, I wish I was English!"

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