Perhaps Seeing The Withered Husk Of Bruce Jenner Will Entice You To Buy Orange Juice? 

Perhaps Seeing The Withered Husk Of Bruce Jenner Will Entice You To Buy Orange Juice? 

Tropicana threatens to replace your father with Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner is a scarecrow with a voicebox that sits on a couch and yells at his stepdaughters on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. But it wasn't always so. Apparently, way back in the time before time and the TV before cable networks with aggressive punctuation, Bruce Jenner was a spokesperson for Tropicana Orange Juice.

Now, Tropicana would like to remind you of that Bruce Jenner, the one you used to buy orange juice from because you wanted to look healthy just like him. They believe that maybe if you stare long enough at the withered husk of Bruce Jenner, you will eventually see the young, energetic orange juice pitchman of yore—and instead of thinking about the cruelty of time, the inevitable decay of all things, and the folly of plastic surgery, you'll think, "Yum! Orange juice!"

"Why does this orange juice taste like dust, Mr Jenner?"

"That's all in your head. Studies have shown that whenever people look at me for too long, they start to smell mummies and taste dust. And now that's one of Tropicana's Juicy Rewards."

"Yum! The inevitable decay of things!"

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