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Pornhub needs you to have sex in a panda costume

Photo: Chung Sung-Jun/Getty
Photo: Chung Sung-Jun/Getty

Surprisingly giving for a site that’s all about self-gratification, Pornhub regularly launches charitable initiatives under its “Pornhub Cares” banner, which aims to deep-dick the world’s problems. For its latest philanthropic gesture, timed for March 16 and National Panda Day, it’s tackling the underpopulation of the giant panda, a species that continues to have a lot of trouble reproducing despite the obvious turn-on of zookeepers watching. There are many reasons for that, chief among them the fact that female pandas are only receptive to mating for two or three days per year (WIVES, RIGHT FELLAS—THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT), while male pandas tend to spend most of their day eating, sleeping, and channeling their sexual frustration into harassing female celebrities on Twitter. But one of the problems, apparently, is the serious dearth of hot panda porn. Which is where you can finally make a difference.

Citing the “shortage and poor quality” of panda-fucking videos that scientists regularly employ to help get these magnificent creatures off, Pornhub is calling on all its users to create their own “panda style porn”—amateur clips in which they and a partner have sex in the manner of pandas, preferably while dressed in panda costumes or while wearing “panda-inspired body paint.” If you work in a cool office, you can check out some of the clips that have already been uploaded to the “Panda Style” section, in which people make sweet tender love while dressed in panda costumes—mostly from behind, in the style of pandas who have long since grown bored of missionary sex. These videos will then be screened by scientists… for pandas. And for, uh, science.

Here’s a cute animated explainer that’s safe for work. And children! Why not. They need to learn how pandas fuck eventually.

In addition to creating the world’s foremost collection of furry porn, Pornhub will also donate $100 for every panda-style video uploaded and 1 cent for every panda video viewed to giant panda conservation charities. According to the site’s counter, more than 21,000 pandas and definitely no one else have already watched the videos so far. Our forests will be teeming with pregnant, chafed pandas in no time!

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