Pretend you watched House Of Cards at the rate of one episode per week as our coverage of season one wraps up

Pretend you watched House Of Cards at the rate of one episode per week as our coverage of season one wraps up

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, April 26, and Saturday, April 27. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
House Of Cards (Netflix, 1 p.m., Friday):
Had House Of Cards aired weekly, it would be airing its finale this weekend, which means that it’s time for our elaborate pretend game where we make believe this is an alternate universe where the show did air weekly to come to an end. Ryan McGee has made it through the highs and the lows, and he’s still crying over that thing that happened a couple of weeks ago. Hell, he still misses that dog that died in the first 30 seconds of the first episode. But that’s our Ryan! Always having trouble letting things—like a prop dog corpse—go.


REGULAR COVERAGE
Happy Endings (ABC, 8 p.m., Friday):
Alex has a bunch of stockpiled coupons she hasn’t used? And Dave challenges her to use them all? This is relevant to David Sims’ interests! His greatest secret is his giant bunker of items he’s purchased with his many coupons, which he keeps buried beneath Central Park. (This episode was supposed to air last week, but you’re gettin’ it now!)

Grimm (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday): In tonight’s episode, a volcano threatens Portland. Kevin Mcfarland, secure in his Bay Area megalith, chortles heartily at the prospect of his friends to the north being covered in lava. Unless it’s the Yellowstone megavolcano finally blowing. That thing’s bad news! (This episode was supposed to air last week, but you’re gettin’ it now!)

Doctor Who (BBC America, 8 p.m., Saturday): The Doctor has just 30 minutes to save Clara after she gets stuck inside a damaged TARDIS that wants to self-destruct. Alasdair Wilkins wants to know why he doesn’t just do the Bill and Ted thing and have a future self travel back to give himself needed parts.

Smash (NBC, 8 p.m., Saturday): Jimmy’s self-destructive behavior damages Hit List’s chances, as if we couldn’t see that coming, so Derek, Karen, and the rest have to figure out a way to drag him back on course. Todd VanDerWerff thinks getting Jimmy to have a sitdown with Frank Fisticuffs couldn’t hurt.

Orphan Black (BBC America, 9 p.m., Saturday): The end of last week’s episode opened up a whole can of worms that Caroline Framke is eager to see the show dig through in weeks to come. In the meantime, though, she’s going to see if she can get her clone, Schmaroline Schmamke to review the next episode.


TV CLUB CLASSIC
Babylon 5 (11 a.m., Friday):
This week features an episode called “Hunter, Prey,” which sounds like the title of the most awesome video game ever. Imagine: You could play as the hunter, with needlessly overpowered rifle, or you could play as the stupid deer! Rowan Kaiser wants to be able to play a tree.

The Twilight Zone (1 p.m., Saturday): We swear we didn’t plan this, but the first of this week’s two episodes is called “The Hunt” and is actually about a raccoon hunter. It’s also written by Earl Hamner, and Todd VanDerWerff could tell you all about why that’s important, but you don’t give a shit.


WHAT ELSE IS ON
Sons Of Guns (Discovery, 8 p.m., Friday):
Have you missed this show? We’re going to guess you haven’t, since none of you have ever bothered us about dropping in on it, but in case you were aching for more gun action, the fourth season begins tonight with two all new episodes airing in a row.

Live From Lincoln Center (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): Carousel is our favorite Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, and Kelli O’Hara is one of our favorite current Broadway actresses, so the combination of the two—with Nathan Gunn and the New York Philharmonic!—sounds like a good bet to us.

Blue Bloods (CBS, 10 p.m., Friday): “Hey!” you might say to yourself. “That Tom Selleck show where he plays the patriarch of a family full of cops is still on the air!” And you’d be right, because Blue Bloods is a reliable contributor to CBS’ solid performance on sleepy ol’ Friday. Turn it on and fall asleep to it.

Al Madrigal: Why Is The Rabbit Crying? (Comedy Central, 11 p.m. Friday): Wait. Al Madrigal made a rabbit cry for his new stand-up special? That sounds pretty awful. Have you ever heard a rabbit cry? It’s one of the most unsettling sounds in all of the animal kingdom, and we hate Madrigal for bringing it up.

Epic RVs (TLC, 8 p.m., Saturday): Have you been wondering what the latest big deals are in the recreational vehicle world? Well, even if you haven’t, TLC has really contributed to its identity as The Learning Channel to bring you all of the hottest news about the RV world. It should be truly epic.

Marvin Marvin (Nickelodeon, 8 p.m., Saturday): Everybody’s favorite teenage alien played by the guy who will forever be known only as “Fred” goes to a Big Time Rush concert in a special hour-long episode, and if you enjoy the taste of corporate synergy then, mmmm, this is the Taco Bell Doritos taco of TV.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (FMC, 8 p.m., Friday): We know the general opinion of this movie is that it’s terribly slow-moving without much in the way of plot, but we found it strangely moving all the same. It could just be the point in our life when we saw it, but we think it’s better than its reputation.

The Shawshank Redemption (AMC, 8 p.m., Friday): On the other hand, we think this one’s a little over-rated, though we more or less enjoy it. It’s fun the first time you see it, but it has diminishing returns every time after, once you realize exactly what Andy Dufresne’s plan is. Go ahead. Tell us we’re wrong.

Barton Fink (Sundance, 8 p.m., Saturday): If you’re in the mood for a Coen Brothers film this evening—and who isn’t?—then check out this film, one of their weirdest, wildest, and most personal movies. John Turturro stars as a playwright who now writes Hollywood screenplays. John Goodman’s there, too!

NHL Hockey: Flames at Blackhawks (NBC Sports, 8:30 p.m., Friday): Though two playoff spots are still open in the West, the Blackhawks have locked up the top seed, and the Flames are out of the hunt, so this game will affect precisely nothing. But you still might enjoy watching it because of hockey.

NASCAR Racing: Sprint Cup in Richmond (Fox, 7 p.m., Saturday): We wanted a break from the usual basketball and baseball for this weekend’s sports picks, so here is a race of automobiles. We thought about picking college lacrosse, but, hey, who can argue with “Cars go fast!”? It’s stellar logic.


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Scandal (Thursday):
Scandal takes a little time out of the weekly insanity to do an episode that’s a bit of a character showpiece, and Ryan McGee couldn’t be happier. The only thing he wants is for television to turn into an endless run of episodes where people reveal their deepest secrets over softly played piano.