A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features What Are You Listening To? What's On Tonight
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

R. Kelly's new World Cup anthem will show you the "Sign Of A Victory"

Not to be outdone by longtime rival Mark E. Smith, R. Kelly has released his own World Cup anthem, “Sign Of A Victory.” Sorry, but he’s in total “I Believe I Can Fly” mode on this one, so you won’t hear any clever soccer-related metaphors for lovemaking—nothing about bringing out his striker, or putting it through your goalposts, or playing when there’s grass on the field, or any of that stuff. Instead it’s just pure spiritual bombast in which Kells travels the world, from the roof of a skyscraper to South African villages while everyone (even women in burqas!) tries to take his picture, and lays out the various “signs of a victory”—the sun on his face, heaven in its place, his wings ridin’ the wind, etc.—while even slipping in a shout-out to global warming. Because we’re all about positive thinking today, we’re not going to question him on any of that as a "sign of a victory," not even his logically incorrect assertion that we can achieve anything, “even the impossible.” You know what? Maybe we can. Maybe all it takes is just looking at the rainbow. [HT to Vulture]

Submit your Newswire tips here.