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Random House and Penguin to become one giant, random, penguin house

Facing a future where anyone can start typing their Twilight-inspired masturbation fantasies onto the Internet and suddenly become a multimillionaire, stalwart book publishing companies Penguin and Random House have decided to combine forces, becoming the largest consumer book publisher in the world. This will give the two companies an impressive breadth of ownership over the written word—everything from Penguin's huge back catalog of classics to Random House's aforementioned Twilight fanfic that is making those classics obsolete—as well as consolidating its defenses against the increased competition from Amazon, e-books, and moving picture shows. And while some have already expressed concerns that the new publishing powerhouse would mean fewer opportunities for authors or overall diversity in its products (or even create a publishing monopoly), both companies insist the merger will actually allow them to spend more on their writers, and assure that they will still maintain their separate identities and imprints. Unfortunately this means they will not be changing their name to Penguin House or Random Penguin, even if these are adorable.  

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