Having successfully evaded the capture of the Hollywood Star Whackers, Randy and Evi Quaid can rest assured that their ongoing Canadian exile now has the endorsement of the U.S. State Department, which announced today that it would not seek extradition for the couple and that the Quaids totally got away with it and everything is fine now. Of course, the Quaids could still face arrest should they cross the border, whereupon they would be forced to answer for those charges of vandalism—orchestrated, of course, as a ruse for stealing Quaid’s Christmas Vacation royalty checks. So the official word is that the Quaids should just go ahead and stay right where they are, channeling their experience into abstract art films and cow-punk songs, for just as long as they want. Because they will be fine, just fine, no reason to worry, and certainly no shadow government/Star Whacker cabal is using the media as a way to exchange coded transmissions regarding a top-secret midnight helicopter drop across foreign borders. (Alpha Dog: Shitter is full. Repeat, shitter is full.)
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