We return now to a more innocent era of a few months ago, when Charlie Sheen was still more man than meme, Mel Gibson had entered his “blue period,” and the Internet briefly turned its attentions to Randy and Evi Quaid and their long, wild ramble to freedom. While the Quaids’ story more or less plateaued once Canada welcomed them with open arms and awards, providing them refuge from the Hollywood Star Whackers with a reassuring Canadian pat on the back of “dat’s okay dere,” Randy made a recent valiant bid to remind everyone that he did the whole surreal celebrity meltdown as well as any by performing his new song called “Star Whackers” at a Vancouver club this past Friday.
Quaid was asked to emcee a gig by local band The Town Pants (of whom he said were “one of the greatest bands I ever had the pleasure of hearing,” so that’s definitely going in the press kit) and agreed on the condition that he could also perform. After Quaid took the stage with his group The Fugitives, he started by debuting a country tune called “Will We Be Together Then,” a song clearly directed at Evi as it asked whether they would remain together “when the banker comes a-callin’ / ‘Cause we’re overdue again”—just the sort of mournful, hopeful ballad you can imagine Randy crooning to Evi as they drift off to sleep in their trash-strewn car, sighing deeply in the dog piss.
Then it was time for the obvious hit: An angry cow-punk screed directed at “those cheesy Star Whackers,” taking aim at TMZ and others who create scandals and stage fake suicides (with obligatory allusions to the deaths of Quaid pals Heath Ledger and David Carradine) just to steal all your money or, worse, your internal organs, which the Star Whackers are now plotting to sell on eBay. We’d say we look forward to Randy Quaid And The Fugitives further one-upping Sheen by hitting the road so we can see this in person, but… well, you know.