Keyboard Geniuses is our weekly glance at a few intriguing, witty, or otherwise notable posts from the Gameological discussion threads. Comments have been excerpted and edited here for grammar, length, and/or clarity. You can follow the links to see the full threads.
In the comments of John Teti’s Xbox One review, Drifter asked about the odds of another video game business crash, like the one that almost sunk the fledgling home console market in 1983. This kicked off a discussion with a lot of great responses. (I’d suggest reading the whole thing starting from this link.) The general consensus was, “No, that won’t happen again.” Charlotte Grote had this to say:
I'm skeptical of this whole idea of a major game crash akin the one in 1983. The main reason that crash happened was because the market was oversaturated video games in the wake of the Atari 2600. If anything, it's kind of the opposite now. In terms of television console games, there are pretty limited choices. We only got the big three (unless you count the Ouya, which I don't, and I freaking own one) and the upcoming PC/console hybrid Steam machines.
It seems like every console generation we get one system that underperforms and gets people talking about another crash. The PlayStation 3 didn't kill Sony, the GameCube didn't tank Nintendo, and even if the Xbone is a giant turkey, I think we can expect it to still do pretty damn well in terms of sales. I think the system will evolve just fine without a crash.
That’s Just Sad
During the first part of this year’s ’Gesty awards, we named the Ouya “2013’s Saddest Console.” But It was another nominee, the Nintendo 2DS, that caught the ire of some commenters. caspiancomic was not kind:
I'd give Saddest Console to the 2DS. I mean, when the 2DS was first announced it caught some well deserved ridicule, but I do actually understand to some degree what the thing's raison d'etre is. It's a way to keep the price of production down. It continues Nintendo's plan of deemphasizing the 3D aspect of the 3DS in favor of promoting the online features. It's shaped like delicious cake, etc. But the actual machine itself is just one of the saddest pieces of hardware I think I've ever seen. You know when you see a three legged dog, and not like the kind of three legged dog that's overcoming adversity, but like an old cancerous arthritic dog that is still trying to fetch its master's slippers even though it can hardly walk? That's what the 2DS looks like to me. I think it's the saddest not because it didn't live up to its potential or because its launch was considered a disappointment or because it was a step down from previous hardware generations, but because just looking at it fills me with actual emotional sadness.
But Newton Gimmick, a proud 2DS owner, was having none of it:
I'll bet you think comments like that send my 2DS running to the bathroom, where it tearfully sings Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" to itself in the mirror. Well, listen, buster, the 2DS doesn't need your pity. The 2DS isn't crying; it's too busy playing Zelda and Pokémon. It feels the loving embrace of my entire hands, not just my fingertips. The 2DS is strong, unpretentious, and it loves itself, goddammit!
Penis Van Lesbian brought some unwelcome logic into the conversation, pointing out some plausible reasoning behind the design of Nintendo’s hinge-less wonder:
My kids broke two DS systems, and both times it was the hinge. Perhaps the 2DS has a messaging problem. They can’t exactly push "The hinges won't break, unlike the ones on our other products" as a tagline.
Once again, the ’Gesty Award for Game Of The Year was compromised by the meddling of the Soupy T. Cat Accounting firm. (Don’t you worry. I’m putting my foot down next year. I will not sit idly by while John Teti turns the ’Gestys into the Golden Globes of video game awards shows.) Predictably, many commenters were not happy with our winner. Mohamad Taufiq Morshidi led the charge:
Mouse On A String was the worst possible reboot of the Mouse On A String games. I like Mouse On A String 2. I wish the developers made the new reboot look like that instead of the abomination we got.
And The_Helmaroc_King added:
Mouse On A String is just another stale, big-budget distraction that fails to match the creativity or the heart of indie gems like Ring From A Milk Jug or Toilet Paper Roll.
That’s just the beginning. Go read through the delightfully nerdy and funny thread, which starts at this link.
What a fun way to end the—wait a minute! This is the last Keyboard Geniuses of 2013! It’s been a crazy year for Gameological, and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for supporting us. We say it all the time (too often, probably) but it’s a huge pleasure to be writing for such a wonderful audience. Because of the holidays, we won’t be running on our typical schedule next week, but we’ve got some cool surprises coming instead. We’ll see you then!