Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, February 21, 2013. All times are Eastern.
Parks And Recreation (NBC, 8:30 p.m.): Disregard the cynical headline: The pending nuptials of Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt (who’s taking whose name?) already have us welling up with tears of joy. Because don’t we all want to weep and weep and weep during an hour of one of our favorite comedies? Steve Heisler certainly does.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Taking a cue from Raj—who’s holed up in his apartment and vowing to never leave the place—Oliver Sava is currently undergoing his own experiment in isolation. That’s convenient, since Todd VanDerWerff already raised his hand to offer the Second Opinions Week review of his old Thursday-night assignment.
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Rowan Kaiser fills in for the estimable Carrie Raisler on TV’s second-favorite sexy vampire show. Does this mean that Rowan himself has become a vampire? Lean your neck in closer and he’ll tell you.
Community (NBC, 8 p.m.): Erik Adams warily approaches the online fiefdom Todd VanDerWerff has cultivated around Community—just in time to review what might be the worst episode the series has ever done. This should end well…
Person Of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode involves an “attractive government agent,” a characteristic that seems unnecessary for a TV Guide capsule to point out. You don’t have to work so hard on selling yourself, show—tens of millions of people are watching you, including Phil Dyess-Nugent!
Project Runway (Lifetime, 9 p.m.): Crackpot theory: To avoid pledging their first-born child to a maniacal imp, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert agreed to give many years of their lives to the reality-show-industrial complex. Sonia Saraiya will closely monitor Lambert’s Runway appearance for any signs of straw spun into gold.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): A client with a terminal illness could provide the chance for multiple “Second Opinion” puns—if several TV Club writers hadn’t subbed for Myles McNutt earlier in the winter. So you’re stuck with Myles’ prognosis, anonymous character!
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.): In typically terse FX fashion, all we know about tonight’s Archer is that, at some point, Sterling gets bit by a snake. Or maybe Malory does—did you ever think that “Archer” could refer to both of them? This is the type of alternate perspective you get when Zack Handlen steps in for Todd VanDerWerff.
Suits (USA, 10 p.m.): A British firm offers to buy Pearson Hardman, which presents many difficult questions: For instance, are suits cut and/or fit differently in England? Are the coat buttons on opposite sides? Kevin McFarland demands the answers, dammit!
Legit (FX, 10:30 p.m.): Jim is barred from mentoring a child, presumably because the mentoring organization has seen all previous episodes of Legit. But you can still be Steve Heisler’s Big Brother, Jim!
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (11 a.m.): Worf accidentally destroys a civilian ship, which is apparently a big no-no in the 24th Century. It lifts Zack Handlen’s spirits to know society might advance so far in the next 300 or so years.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Glory Hounds (Animal Planet, 8 p.m.): There’s no anthropomorphic turn of phrase that Animal Planet can’t turn into a show title. Glory Hounds? It’s about heroic dogs. News Hounds? That’ll probably be a series about intrepid canine reporters. Cat Burglars? Well, that’s a sad tale about menacing thieves who steal felines in the night. What jerks.
Pop Profiles (Fuse, 8:30 p.m.): The Fuse documentary series attempts to uncover whatever truths about Kanye West that haven’t already been divulged through soul-searching lyrics, sporadic tweet flurries, or his interior-decorating tastes.
For What It’s Worth (VH1 Classic, 10 p.m.): The Antiques Roadshow model receives its umpteenth pop-culture-centric reiteration—at least this variation on the theme has the sense to stop by Third Man Records for a chat with Jack White in its première.
Upload With Shaquille O’Neal (TruTV, 10:30 p.m.): A new online-video series positions The Shaq Attack as the new Daniel Tosh. Say what you will about Tosh, but at least the guy has a decent free-throw percentage.
Toy Story 2 (Disney Channel, 8 p.m.): The film that proved Pixar could make a sequel without sullying the legacy of what came before. Not that that means we need a Toy Story 4, whoever’s bandying about Toy Story 4 rumors today…
Double Indemnity (TCM, 8 p.m.): The noir of noirs, the thriller every other venetian-blind-sillhouetted, hard-boiled, dame-with-looks-that-kill movie wishes it was—and none of that takes anything away from Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray’s murder plot gone awry.
NBA Basketball: Heat at Bulls (TNT, 8 p.m.): This has been a thing on the Internet for years, but it’s new to us: Did you know that the Chicago Bulls logo, when turned upside down, looks like a robot reading a book? Flip the Heat logo upside down and you’ll find a flaming basketball bouncing out of the basket, which is why the Chicago BookBots will beat the Miami Flaming Bricks in the parallel, upside-down universe version of this matchup.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 p.m.): The remaining chefs head to Los Angeles, where Tom Colicchio mercifully refrains from grinding the losers into a seasoning for his famous short ribs. And for that, Emily Withrow is grateful.