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Red Dawn

 November 21, 2012

Dusted off after years of languishing on MGM's shelves, while the studio took a part-time shift as a WalMart greeter to pull itself out of bankruptcy, the remake of Red Dawn thankfully hasn't suffered too much from issues of timeliness. Well, except for the part where it originally had China as the invading superpower, until China started giving the movie industry half its money, and now the film is populated by North Korean villains possessing the world's most advanced weaponry—this despite the fact that the real North Korea can't even get a rocket off the ground.

But in all the other, less important ways that have nothing to do with things that could actually happen, Red Dawn remains a prescient warning to patriots of America's vulnerability to foreign enemies, as the nation distracts itself with high-school football games, making out, and napping, until the next thing you know there are men of indeterminate Asian origin walking menacingly through your hometown. Fortunately there are still hotheaded teenagers with surprisingly advanced tactical skills—and even more fortunately for the movie, they're played by Chris Hemsworth and The Hunger Games' Josh Hutcherson, who are both more popular now than they were when Red Dawn was originally scheduled for release. So, it all works out in the end.