Though America was robbed briefly of the noisy distraction of a reality television star using next year’s election to boost ratings for their show, Roseanne Barr has volunteered to step in for Donald Trump, announcing on last night’s The Jay Leno Thing that she is now running for President. Or maybe she’s just being ol’ wacky, crazy Roseanne—all outspoken and unfiltered and stuff, because she’s had it up to here with those Dumbocrats and Republi-cant’s because “they both suck and they’re both a bunch of criminals,” am I right folks? [Applause sign.] Watch Roseanne’s Nuts on Lifetime, combining the drama of celebrity macadamia nut farming with the thrill of keeping it real!
Anyway, for what it’s worth, Barr swears she’s "totally serious," adding that she’s made up her own political party—the “Green Tea Party,” in a naked appeal to Asians and people who work at co-ops—and she’s even decided to ask the American taxpayer to be her Vice President, which is good because the American taxpayer could use a job. You can watch the video of her announcement below, or just start ignoring this whole thing now. [via EW]
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org