Sarah Palin made a movie about Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin made a movie about Sarah Palin

Hounded by the mainstream media and cowed by a fascist censorship that limits her to a mere four or five soundbites per day, Sarah Palin will finally tell her story in the feature-length film The Undefeated, which chronicles the triumph of the will that allowed Palin to overcome everyone being totally mean to her by quitting her job and becoming a TV star. The secret project was revealed today in advance of next month's premiere in the Iowa heartland, where it will “serve as a galvanizing prelude to Palin's prospective presidential campaign,” according to RealClearPolitics, despite the fact that most Republicans think said campaign became a lost cause years ago. But then, they haven’t yet set eyes on this “two-hour-long, sweeping epic” created by filmmaker Stephen K. Bannon, whose devotion to Palin is so deep that he shelled out $1 million of his own money to create her hagiography, after she asked for his help in “making a series of videos extolling Palin's governorship and laying to rest lingering questions about her controversial decision to resign from office with a year-and-a-half left in her first term.”

And how will The Undefeated help answer those questions, and reintroduce Palin to a nation that has increasingly begun to regard her as an embarrassing opportunist, even in its most conservative quarters? By focusing on her persecution, of course: The Undefeated is described as "rife with religious metaphor and [with] unmistakable allusions to Palin as a Joan of Arc-like figure"—allusions like this: 

"Images of lions killing a zebra and a dead medieval soldier with an arrow sticking in his back dramatize the ethics complaints filed by obscure Alaskan citizens, which Palin has cited as the primary reason for her sudden resignation in July of 2009."

This cinematic stages of the cross also begins with “a fast-paced sequence of clips showing some of the prominent celebrities who have used sexist, derogatory and generally vicious language to describe her”—in particular, “Rosie O'Donnell, Matt Damon, Bill Maher, David Letterman, and Howard Stern, [who] all have brief cameos before comedian Louis C.K. goes off on a particularly ugly anti-Palin riff.” Hopefully this advance warning will give Louis C.K., Bill Maher et al. the necessary time to flee the country, before they’re set upon by Palin defenders driven to a Birth Of A Nation-like frenzy.

Although, Louis C.K. might be safe provided most towns on its national release schedule only get the PG-13 cut, rather than the unrated version Bannon is also prepping that will feature “some obscene anti-Palin language and imagery.” Hopefully this will finally become a standard MPAA warning in the film’s wake. [via Gawker

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