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Saturday Night Live finishes another year of mostly disappointing you

Also: We forgot to do this; would anyone notice if we just made some of these shows up?

Here is a photo from last week's episode, because NBC is TOO GOOD to give you any of Andy Samberg just yet. (NBC)
Here is a photo from last week's episode, because NBC is TOO GOOD to give you any of Andy Samberg just yet. (NBC)

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, May 16, and Saturday, May 17. All times are Eastern.

Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 p.m., Saturday):
Another Thursday, another day we totally forgot that we were supposed to write What’s On Tonight, so here we are, at 3:30 in the fucking morning, trying to write this as quickly as possible so we can go to sleep and get up in five hours for an interview. And on upfronts week of all weeks! Fortunately, the Top Pick is an easy choice today, as SNL is saying farewell to its latest season of shenanigans with an episode hosted by former cast member Andy Samberg. Check out Ryan McGee’s thoughts on the season as a whole later today and come back early Sunday morning for Dennis Perkins’ thoughts on the finale.

Grimm (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday):
Everybody’s favorite fairy tale-themed procedural wraps up its season as well this weekend, presumably with some big shit going down. Kevin McFarland won’t rest until the show has worked beloved Grimm Brothers character The Goose Girl into its reality.

Hannibal (NBC, 10 p.m., Friday): In our weekly interview with him, Bryan Fuller describes this as one of the show’s “funniest” episodes. You may be a bit confused by that notion while watching this, but trust us, Molly Eichel was laughing up a storm the whole time.

Orphan Black (BBC America, 9 p.m., Saturday): Caroline Framke was shattered by last week’s episode, and nobody knows if the show has anywhere to go from there. Our guess is that it does. Well, it will always have somewhere to go so long as our beloved Alison is involved.

We told you that Sonia Saraiya would have an article about Say Yes To The Dress coming soon, and now, she’s written a For Our Consideration that argues that the show is a quiet revolution in wedding-themed programming. Having not watched a lot of that, we’ll take her word for it.

Marah Eakin also stops by the TV Club to write a couple of articles. First, we have her Memory Wipe on the wonder and majesty of Jem. Then, you can check out her TV Review on Comedy Central’s entertaining panel show @Midnight.

Shark Tank/Barbara Walters: Her Story (ABC, 8/9 p.m., Friday):
Shark Tank’s finale is moved back an hour. What could possibly displace the network’s biggest show on this night? None other than Barbara Walters herself, as the network celebrates her storied career.

American Masters (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): The venerable biography series offers an episode on George Plimpton that is called, simply enough, “Plimpton!” Exclamation points make everything better, don’t you think?

Penny Dreadful (Showtime, 9 p.m. Friday): There is a lot of TV on Sundays right now, so you’ll be forgiven if you just missed the debut of this one. But it’s an enjoyable little Victorian horror tale, and we think you’ll like it, so check out the repeat tonight.

Where The Wild Men Are With Ben Fogle (Science, 10 p.m., Friday): The title of this episode is “Australia,” which would just seem to answer the question in the show’s title, now wouldn’t it?

Da Vinci’s Demons (Starz, 9 p.m., Saturday): We aren’t really paying attention to this show, but it does star a Leonardo Da Vinci who’s basically Batman, so that’s something, we guess.

Iyanla, Fix My Life (OWN, 9 p.m., Saturday): Geez. Maybe if you tried asking politely. Iyanla owes you nothing!

Being John Malkovich (Flix, 8 p.m., Friday): If you ever meet What’s On Tonight in a bar and get What’s On Tonight drunk enough, What’s On Tonight will perform the “Malkovich Malkovich” song from this movie for you. True story.

The Dark Knight Rises (HBO2, 9 p.m., Friday): This movie was ruined for What’s On Tonight’s wife the second she heard Bane’s voice in the opening scene, because it sounded way too much like one of her former college professors. True story.

Carrie (Sundance, 9 p.m., Saturday): What’s On Tonight used our psychic powers to bathe everyone in gentle, warm water at our high school prom. And they were still pissed. Ungrateful dicks. True story.

Stanley Cup Playoffs: Game 7: Kings at Ducks (NBC Sports, 9 p.m., Friday): The last game seven of this tremendously exciting round of the playoffs commences this evening over in Anaheim. Who will win? We’re betting on the team from Southern California!

WNBA Basketball: Chicago at New York (ESPN, 8 p.m., Saturday): With all of the NBA second-round playoff series wrapped up as we write this, it’s up to the WNBA to sate your basketball jones for the weekend. So here is a WNBA game!

Reign (Thursday):
Caroline Framke’s review of the finale made us chuckle several times, and we have written this What’s On Tonight in approximately 18 minutes. Not that you can tell. Because it was to our usual high standards of quality.

This week: Dawn Of The Fieri Beast Rises

Diners, Drive-Ins, And Dives (Food Network, Friday, 10 p.m): “Wait,” said What’s On Tonight, “why are we doing a stupid novelty section nobody but us cares about when we could be sleeping.” “You do have that interview tomorrow morning,” said the Fieri Beast before tucking us into bed and slavering over our fatty hamhocks.