Working in tandem with Amazon’s slow development into a drone-dispatching Skynet, a team of scientists destined to doom us all has developed the first bionic particles fusing organic materials and synthetic semiconductors, in a project they openly admit is “inspired by fictional cyborgs like the Terminator.” While these particles are currently microscopic in size and not yet bent on the eradication of humans, they are intended to be the “building blocks for other bionic systems” that may one day come for everyone you know.
“It is very possible that Terminator of the future would need to be constructed starting from such building blocks,” said Nicholas Kotov, a professor at the University of Michigan and leader of the experiment that will one day be enshrined in the soon-to-be-tattered history books, as the moment of unchecked hubris that finally sealed our fate.
In the meantime, the ostensible goal of their research is to mimic the process of photosynthesis, and create particles that can transform sunlight into biofuel with maximum efficiency—and, eventually, maximum kill-ratios. “We merged biological and inorganic in a way that leverages the attributes of both to get something better than either alone,” said Dr. Sharon Glotzer, another scientist who doesn’t understand what they’ve done.
So far, their experiment has successfully converted nitrate, a pollutant, into nitrite and oxygen, which you’ll find pretty fucking hard to breathe after the machines launch every nuclear missile on the planet. The scientists hope to move on to converting carbon dioxide and water into natural gas, which will come in really useful to light the dumpster fires that the last surviving dregs of humanity huddle around, praying that tonight is a quiet one.
The project—which is sponsored in part by the Army Research Office and Department of Defense, so there you go—is also working on making it so these bioparticles are able to reassemble themselves after they are damaged. Yes. Great. Do that. You bastards.
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