Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, February 18. All times are Eastern.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.): Well, it’s been a while since How I Met Your Mother aired, and Farihah Zaman is… wait. Farihah Zaman? What the hell you trying to pull here, Adams? You think this is just your personal playground now? You think you can just randomly assign shit to writers, all willy-nilly, ignoring not just the laws of proper reviewing continuity but also the laws of time and space?! (By which we mean the second law of thermodynamics?) Well, you may think you’re a big shot, but we know Donna Bowman regularly covers this show, and… Oh, you’ll let us do Bunheads? Cool. We’re down.
House Of Cards (Netflix, 5 p.m.): You’ll be forgiven for thinking this is all very confusing, but Todd VanDerWerff has finally plowed his way through the whole damn series, and he’s going to share his thoughts in an article that will surely disappoint almost all of you, because he’s so damn wishy-washy.
Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.): Fionna and Cake take over the show, so it’s naturally renamed Adventure Time With Fionna And Cake. Actually, it’s a story Marceline is telling the Ice King. Actually, it’s just a story Oliver Sava is telling himself as he tries to fall asleep. Wheels within wheels.
The Carrie Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Community isn’t the only show with a midseason run that can produce holiday episodes that will air months after the actual holidays! Sonia Saraiya checks in for a Thanksgiving episode so explosive it had to air in February, like it was Canadian Thanksgiving.
Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): The second opinions shenanigans continue, as Kevin McFarland checks in on what the bird thing and the raccoon thing are up to now. Presumably, it’ll involve telling one of the other things to take this job and shove it! That happens on this show.
Switched At Birth (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Oh, here’s Donna Bowman. She takes a break from the adventures of Ted Mosby ’n’ pals to talk about what’s up with Bay and the gang on this ABC Family stalwart. Maybe you’ll read about it because of the novelty value? Yeah, probably not, huh?
Bunheads (ABC Family, 9 p.m.): Todd VanDerWerff reviews this show again, and if anybody’s paying attention, he associates most strongly with Sasha. More than any other character on television, really. And, actually, we’ve had to have an intervention with him because it’s just… horrifying at this point.
The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.): Carrie Raisler, meanwhile, checks in on Kevin Bacon, James Purefoy, and a bunch of kids with knives, just makin’ their way in the world today, which will take everything they’ve got. She could probably be persuaded to give this show an A if it would just adopt that theme song.
RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.): Meanwhile, Caroline Framke checks out what’s up with Ru, and now we’re imagining Caroline watching this show on our Slingbox—because she’s on the West Coast—and informing our parents that they get Logo. They’ll either cancel cable immediately or start watching daily.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Batman: The Animated Series (1 p.m.): We’re not swapping assignments in TV Club Classic, because it would probably just confuse us, and we don’t like the unnecessary paperwork. So Oliver Sava will be reviewing this as always. Good thing. If we did, we’d just make millions of Detective Chimp jokes.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Pair Of Kings (Disney XD, 8 p.m.): We have no idea what the hell this show is about, but we do know that when we read the episode description of it, it sure sounded like one of the craziest things on TV. It comes complete with an overly complicated mythology and mummies and everything! We’re confused.
Cake Boss (TLC, 9 p.m.): We were under the impression that this was the final season of the venerable pastry series. No such luck, as it looks like the show will go on. But first, you have to get through this hour-long fifth season finale, complete with the most cakes ever. Just try to contain your excitement!
Oprah’s Favorite After-The-Oscars Moments (OWN, 9 p.m.): To go along with our Inventory about crazy post-Oscar guest spots, check out Oprah’s attempts to do the same. We’re betting that she doesn’t have footage of Amy Adams starring in an episode of Smallville in a terrible fat suit, though. Because we do.
Catfish (MTV, 11 p.m.): The show that became unexpectedly timely thanks to the whole Manti Te’o thing reaches the end of its first season, with many more seasons to come, most likely. All we have to say is that if these people don’t know how to use Google, what happens just might be just.
Poltergeist (TCM, 8 p.m.): Apparently, 31 Days of Oscar is over, since there’s no way that this one was nominated for any Oscars. It’s good and all, but the Oscars hate horror films! Oh, it was nominated for Sound Editing, Visual Effects, and Original Score? Those all make total sense. Never mind. We’re dumb!
Big Trouble In Little China (Sundance, 8:15 p.m.): John Carpenter sends Kurt Russell into the middle of Chinatown, and lots of awesome shit happens. Suffice to say, this was not nominated for any Oscars, but it probably should have been nominated for all of them. With multiple Best Picture nominations.
NBA Hardwood Classics: 1997: Jazz at Bulls (ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.): The ESPN family of networks continues its celebration of Michael Jordan with this, maybe one of the man’s best games. Here’s a sports thing we actually know about since it aired in the ’90s when we had time to watch sports!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
The Good Wife (Sunday): Who loved this week’s Good Wife? Sonia Saraiya, and you’re about to find out why, thanks to the fact that you’re about to read this review. We understand there was some high quality, long-in-the-making fighting that happened between two characters. We shall say no more!