Having recently declared an end to his own celebrity, Shia LaBeouf has returned to the more quotidian pursuit of just being a regular guy—like, just the sort of regular, everyday asshole who's always starting shit and getting into drunken bar fights. Still, according to the edicts of LaBeouf’s "Metamodernism Manifesto"—which is, naturally, stolen—even these acts are plagiarized, so as to acknowledge the limitations inherent to all movement and experience and having behavioral issues.
LaBeouf’s latest work of transcendent copying involved getting into another fight at Hobgoblin, the same London pub where he had a similar altercation in 2012. Adding the slightly revised dialogue that is the hallmark of any good work of plagiarized art, this time LaBeouf confronted a fellow patron who’d apparently insulted his girlfriend’s mom. “What are you saying about my girl’s mom? Are you fucking kidding me, bro?” LaBeouf says in the below video, giving him what TMZ calls a “headbutt” that is clearly plagiarized from a newborn fawn, nuzzling the neck of its mother.
Unlike past LaBeouf altercations, like this one in Vancouver—or other recent, London-area incidents in which LaBeouf was reportedly kicked in the balls for refusing to stop filming a puking girl, or the one where he allegedly made a female fan cry and threatened to have her boyfriend killed—this particular iteration of the Shia LaBeouf bar fight ended peacefully. Another video taken from later in the night shows LaBeouf—warmed by his friends’ company and presumably many, many lagers—repeating, “I’m really just trying to make peace” and “I’m a normal human being” again and again, which we’re pretty sure are lines from his Transformers character. And so, despite these minor variances, the pattern continues, as patterns form the basis of all art and constantly being a dick.
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com