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Sofia Vergara becomes part of the never-ending wish fulfillment that is Machete Kills

As Robert Rodriguez is nothing if not channeling man's collective id, the director will fulfill another unconscious wish in Machete Kills by adding Sofia Vergara, who joins the already-confirmed Jessica Alba, Amber Heard, and Michelle Rodriguez in stoking those pleasure receptors untouched by all the glorious violence. Variety notes that Vergara will play the "leather-clad" Madame Desdemona, then continues saying words anyway by noting that she is the madam of a brothel of "Mexican harlots" who have the information that Danny Trejo's Machete needs to stop Mel Gibson's arms dealer, as well as the leather-bound harlot-ness to distract from any uncomfortable feelings about Mel Gibson. "Hi, Sofia Vergara? I want you to dress up in leather and be my whore," is a phone call only Robert Rodriguez gets to make.

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