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Soulja Boy weakens the nation with rap about the military

Already buried in a quagmire of never-ending wars and neglected by a nation that seems to have put its daily struggles safely out of mind, the United States military suffered another devastating blow this weekend when non-commissioned offisah Soulja Boy released the track “Let’s Be Real,” on which he raps the following lyrics: “Fuck the FBI and fuck all the Army troops / Bitch, be your own man / I'll be flying through the clouds with green like I'm Peter Pan." While such information is understandably classified, it’s suspected that war efforts were derailed as overseas troops immediately became distracted with envy over Soulja Boy, suddenly unable to focus on anything other than taunting visions of Soulja Boy frolicking across the sky, eternally carefree thanks to his self-made financial worth, just like the children's literature character Peter Pan.

Sensing that Soulja Boy’s demoralizing challenge to the troops could well make him a modern-day Tokyo Rose, a group of military personnel has already launched a petition to have Soulja Boy’s music banned from all Army and Air Force bases across the country. In his defense, Soulja Boy issued an apology that begins with the statement, “As an artist…,” but somehow there are still those who refuse to take that statement seriously. Perhaps that’s because, as retired Marine Fred A. Flores pointed out to TMZ, Soulja Boy’s song also, quite insensitively, arrives in the midst of the 10th anniversary of 9/11, just as America was finally finding a way to heal old wounds. That healing will now be delayed until a time yet to be determined.

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