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Steven Spielberg casts more British people in Lincoln

Emblematic of our weakened national identity, or something, all of our most heroic American roles continue to be usurped by British people. First they came for Batman and Superman and we said nothing, because we were neither Batmen nor Supermen, and Superman is a Zack Snyder movie so whatever. But now we’ve even surrendered our American history—history that, ironically, would not exist were it not for getting the British people out of it—with Lincoln director Steven Spielberg recently drafting the exceedingly British person Jared Harris to play Ulysses S. Grant, the Union general who won the Civil War with his uniquely American moxie and unconditional commitment to not putting extraneous vowels in things. Harris joins fellow British person Daniel Day-Lewis as the titular president, and thus we cede two of America’s most celebrated leaders to the dreaded English, and so pretty soon we’ll all be eating hypothetical crumpets. Although, Meryl Streep recently assumed the role of Margaret Thatcher and then made her out to be a human being with emotions—which is just the sort of thing British people hate—so this is probably fair. 

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