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Stop wondering why the rivers have all turned to blood, and start watching The CW's Oh Sit!

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, August 15. All times are Eastern.

Oh Sit! (The CW, 8 p.m.): The hour foretold is upon us, friends. The time has come for The CW to unleash its “extreme musical chairs” series upon the world, and we’re either living in dread of what it might mean for the human race, or we’re strangely hopeful that it will be the kind of televised train wreck we’ll talk about for years to come, in hushed tones that are usually only reserved for Work It or Outlaw or Manimal. Or maybe Carrie Raisler will tell us that it’s actually just kind of a mediocre show, and we’re not missing anything. Keep our dreams alive, Carrie!

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 p.m.): It’s been a couple of weeks since this show was last on, so we thought we’d get you all caught up: People have been dancing, and every week, more of them are eliminated. Soon, there will be only one dancer left! Oliver Sava knows he can be that dancer, baby.

Damages (DirecTV Audience Network, 9 p.m.): We know that the title of every episode of this show comes from a line of dialogue spoken by one of the characters within that episode, but “I Need To Win” seems a little lazy for a lawyer show, at least to us. Joshua Alston needs to win, too. Wolverines!

Futurama (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): We usually enjoy episodes centered on Professor Farnsworth, and in tonight’s episode, his parents “unretire” from “virtual retirement.” We’re sure that we should know what this means, but we’re ever so sleepy. Maybe Zack Handlen can fill us in when he has a moment.

Hit & Miss (DirectTV Audience Network, 10 p.m.): It’s all come down to this, as the series wraps up its first—and only?—series with a series of shocking reveals, including two featuring Mia’s family.  We just wrote this capsule because Farihah Zaman challenged us to use the word “series” over and over.

Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Margaret Eby has returned from her time away, and she’s got plenty of things to say about this episode, in which the chefs venture to the Grand Canyon for a cookout. We hope the cooking challenge involves being dangled high above the abyss by giant cranes. Awesome.

Arrested Development (11 a.m.): It’s the next-to-last week of our coverage of season two, as Noel Murray heads along with Michael and Ann (her?) to “Meat The Veals,” including Ione Skye. We were so happy to see her show up that we stood outside her house and sang sweet nothings up to her window.

Carnivàle (1 p.m.): Todd VanDerWerff takes the “Old Cherry Blossom Road” down to meet “the Crone” and see whatever it is she has to say about the ongoing search for Henry Scudder. Todd hates to interrupt young Ben Hawkins, but he’s pretty sure Scudder’s hanging out at his local bus station.

Sports Night (3 p.m.): This week offers the eerie “Eli’s Coming,” in which Aaron Sorkin is forced to write a real-life hardship into his TV show and does so with aplomb and expert pop music choices. Though if you’ve seen the title of the episode, Donna Bowman has a spoiler for you on which song he chooses.

America’s Got Talent (NBC, 9 p.m.): We don’t watch this show, even though America—and by “America,” we mean all of our relatives—just seems to love it, but at the TCA press tour, people acted as if Howard Stern’s addition to the series has been wildly controversial. Can somebody fill us in on this?

Shark Fight (Discovery, 9 p.m.): As part of its ongoing “Shark Week” programming—now in its 25th year!—Discovery reveals the true secrets behind surviving a fight with a shark. We hope that number one on the list is “drag the shark up on land,” because that’s the best tip we ever received for this.

American Hoggers (A&E, 10 p.m.): Just when it seems like America has gone wrong and nothing makes sense anymore, you can take comfort in the fact that A&E has brought back this show about a hog-chasin’ family for another season of hijinks and wild pigs. See? Good things are still happening all over!

Toy Hunter (Travel, 10 p.m.): In this new series, an expert travels the country, looking for rare toys and collectibles. That sounds like a bunch of other shows that already exist, so we prefer our version, which we keep mistyping as Toy Hunger. A show about people who can eat only toys would be pretty great.

Intolerance (TCM, 8 p.m.): Do you have three-and-a-half hours to watch a silent film classic about, well, intolerance? Shit yeah, you do! D.W. Griffith’s ghost will be so pleased you watched his magnum opus that he’ll get all up in your kitchen and make you pancakes, so you’ll stay awake. Thanks, ghost director!

Thank You For Smoking (Sundance, 8 p.m.): By contrast, this breezy satire lasts only 90 minutes, but it’s got plenty of great laughs in it. Though it’s a little too impressed with itself, there’s still solid fun to be had, with a great cast and the directorial debut of the now-acclaimed Jason Reitman, of Up In The Air.

International Soccer: Mexico vs. U.S. (ESPN 2, 7:30 p.m.): With the Olympics—which most of the world’s top soccer players don’t really give a shit about anyway—over, focus begins to turn to the World Cup. This match has nothing to do with that. We just included it to let Mexico know it’s on notice.

The Glee Project (Tuesday): Our reality-TV-watching friends insisted this season of the show was an improvement over the show’s first season (which already got solid reviews). We sent resident Glee Project expert Myles McNutt in to deliver us the diagnosis on the show’s second season finale.