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Survivor to throw in new twist of 29th and 30th seasons

CBS has ordered two more seasons of Survivor that will keep the venerable reality show on the air through 2015, with Jeff Probst doomed to explain and re-explain that fire represents life in this game, week after week, year after year, in exotic location after exotic location, until he's a burnt-out shell of a man, just muttering, "I'm not here to make friends. I'm not here to make friends," over and over to himself.

Even after 14 years on the air, Survivor remains one of CBS' flagships, and has been one of the top-rated reality shows since its blockbuster first season helped spur the genre's takeover of the airwaves. And after 400 episodes, producer Mark Burnett still manages to find people who believe, in their heart of hearts, that complete strangers competing with you on a game show over a million dollars are totally trustworthy.

Survivor is expected to continue to be a moneymaker for CBS until we finally reach a dystopian future where money is outlawed, and all Americans are forced to band into tribes with silly faux-ethnic names and compete with each other for food, water, and other basic necessities, as outlined in the fine print of the Affordable Care Act. Thanks, Obama!

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