The Biblical story of David and Goliath, usually interpreted by scholars as a symbolic victory of God and his chosen people over the forces of evil paganism, could get a much more kickass interpretation as the story of that time Taylor Lautner kicked Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s ass, according to Twitch. Relativity Media—Hollywood’s own philistine worshippers of cold number-crunching—has been developing Goliath for several years now with director Scott Derrickson (The Day The Earth Stood Still) and Twilight producers Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey, which makes Lautner an obvious choice for the role of David, given that they clearly really like looking at that guy. Johnson has now reportedly entered talks to take on the hulking giant who’s had it up to here (imagine a hand being held approximately four cubits and a span off the ground) with those darn Israelites, with Lautner possibly demonstrating faith’s might by chucking a rock at his head. Of course, neither actor has officially signed on yet, but seem likely to be swayed once they realize that this film is another chance to not wear shirts.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org