Teri Hatcher Is The Next Gwyneth Paltrow

Teri Hatcher Is The Next Gwyneth Paltrow

Get Hatched!

For years now Teri Hatcher has been standing in the middle of a field, her arms outstretched in T formation, her button eyes watching Gwyneth Paltrow's success as an impractical advice website impresario, and Teri Hatcher's straw head has been seething with jealousy. "Why can't I have a useless advice newsletter or an insipid website for women? Is it just because I'm a scarecrow?" Teri Hatcher would think, because Teri Hatcher is a scarecrow. "I'm on Deseperate Housewives, dammit. I have so many anecdotes that are applicable to women everywhere."

One day, Teri Hatcher relayed her lady-advice website ambition to a field hand, who then relayed it to the farmer, who then contacted Disney, and now Teri Hatcher's dream of making the next Goop has been realized. 

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Teri Hatcher has teamed with Disney to launch a Web site for chicks.

The "Desperate Housewives" star has a tease of her GetHatched.com site set to begin Monday, but it launches in earnest in the spring.

Nicknamed "a chick's guide to life," the site is produced by Disney Family.com, with creative and editorial insight from Hatcher and a small team of contributors.

Teri Hatcher's editorial insight was probably: "See it's 'a chick's guide to life,' and we can call it GetHatched? Get it? Cause my last name's Hatcher and in my spare time I sit on chicken eggs to see if they'll hatch? Oh, or we could call it Tooh.com. Get it? Cause it's like Goop.com, but my initials are T.H.? Also, 'tooh' is like my version of 'hi.' It's a total Hatcherism. Like: 'Tooh, everyone! Who wants to go hatch some chicken eggs?'"

So besides chicken gestation, what is GetHatched.com going to be about?

"I have a compelling passion to be a woman with other women," Hatcher said. "We're the caregivers, the teachers, the lovers."

"I'm just open and talk about anything, usually with humor, because that's what gets me through the day," she added. "I don't self-edit."

Celebrity guests are expected to weigh in as well, though she said her "Housewives" colleagues don't even know about the project.

"This isn't the Teri Hatcher reality series," she said. "I'm not afraid to talk about what worked for me and what hasn't."

Like the time she rushed out of the house, her hair looking a wreck, to pick up a few groceries and was met by paparazzi. An unflattering photo in magazines and on the Internet was the result.

"I should have taken an extra 30 seconds to show I have style," she said.

Who can't relate to that? More money, more problems, more unflattering photos in magazines, you know?  "OMG, funny story, you guys. You know how the wardrobe department on your long-running ABC drama calls those push-up bra inserts 'chicken cutlets'? Well, once I wrapped two of them around an egg, sat on it for a while, and it hatched! It's so hard being a mom."

GetHatched isn't officially up-and-running yet, but Teri Hatcher is already there, curled up awkwardly in an armchair like a broken scarecrow, and laughing:

Ladies?