As expected, the dueling lawsuits that forced the proposed reboot of The Crow to wander the earth—torn between death’s oblivion and the promise of a life with Bradley Cooper—have been settled, with both Relativity Media and The Weinstein Company forging a fragile accord over their mutual appreciation for money. To recap: The Weinsteins had previously sued Relativity after CEO Ryan Kavanaugh began shopping around The Crow’s distribution rights—a strong-arm tactic he employed only after the Weinsteins refused to answer demands for detailed plans of how they planned to finance it, and thus “submit to that kind of arrogant conduct” such as the kind that only the Weinsteins are allowed to get away with. Relativity, in turn, counter-sued with a claim that the Weinsteins had bungled the release of Nine, thus swindling them out of their $20 million investment. Truly, it was a blatant case of the ol' swindle-and-bungle.
But now both lawsuits have been quietly settled out of court under undisclosed terms, paving the way for Relativity and The Weinstein Company to work together on rebooting The Crow, just as soon as they can find another writer, director, and star to replace all the ones they’ve lost along the way. To put it in Crow soundtrack terms, the project has skipped from Rage Against The Machine’s “Darkness” all the way to Jane Siberry’s “It Can’t Rain All The Time," and your stupid parents have stopped fighting long enough to tell you to turn it off and come to dinner, even though it's just stupid leftovers again. WHATEVER SHUT UP MOM AND DAD.