The campaign to name the 300 prequel has become its own prolonged, probably shirtless battle, as various titles have been chosen, then kicked square in the chest for their inability to scream "action-packed historical drama" without suggesting there will be lots of actual, boring history. After the rejection of Xerxes (denying theater employees weeks of hilarious mispronunciations) and 300: Battle Of Artemisium ("What are they fighting over, mineral water?"—some studio exec, probably), Warner Bros. has settled on 300: Rise Of An Empire, which, in grand History Channel tradition, is just generic enough to ensure no one will mistake it for having any educational ambition (but might, in fact, have some aliens and Nazis). The title also follows the recent franchise dictum set out by Planet Of The Apes and The Dark Knight that "Rise" belongs in there somewhere. This will not, however, stop people from calling it 299, like everyone's already been doing.
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com