After spending close to a decade sifting through the moral wreckage wrought by Janet Jackson’s areola—only to amass an equally overwhelming backlog of cases in the interim, and have the Supreme Court denounce its methods as “unconstitutionally vague”—the FCC has begun to consider the slim possibility that just maybe it could be doing things differently. This pause for self-reflection comes after the commission recently cleared more than 1 million outstanding broadcast indecency complaints, mostly by dismissing those that were “beyond the statute of limitations or too stale to pursue.” Particularly now that an entire generation has already been destroyed by briefly glimpsed nudity on NYPD Blue, so what does it matter?
However, perhaps it’s not too late to save our children from their own depraved futures of constantly trying to fornicate with their televisions. The FCC is now looking closely at its policies and whether it should revise them—such as by refocusing its efforts on investigating just the “deliberate and repetitive” expletives heard on popular programs like A&E's Shit! That's My Fucking Shit! and the little-seen, fifth "blue" hour of the Today show. Or maybe learning to treat “isolated flashes of (non-sexual) nudity” differently from profanity, such as by composing official rapturous odes to the beauty of the human form. For help in doing so, it’s posted a notice soliciting your comments on what you think it should do—because if there’s one method that guarantees a thoughtful discussion about decency, it’s asking for comments on the Internet.
Anyway, this is your chance to give the FCC your thoughts on how it should conduct itself in the future, rather than just complaining about its prudishness or sitting up there in your Supreme Court robe, acting all superior. Or, you could just prove its point by sending in a drawing of a dick.