For months we’ve squirmed under the collective thumb of the nation’s critics and industry professionals, as their oligarchy issued decrees regarding last year’s best entertainment based on obscure metrics such as “artistic value” and “convincing potential visiting space aliens that humans are worth not vaporizing.” It has been, frankly, like living in Stalinist Russia, were Stalin a big fan of Hugo. But last night, The People finally had their say, joining their voice as one at the annual People’s Choice Awards: “We like Harry Potter and Katy Perry,” The People said in chorus, giving the conclusion of the fantasy series awards for Favorite Movie, Favorite Action Movie, Favorite Ensemble In A Movie, and Favorite Book Adaptation, while Perry was the night’s big winner with five awards in all—and her Favorite Animated Movie Voice-nominated performance as Smurfette might have made it a total sweep, had Johnny Depp’s name not also been in there.
“WE ARE ALSO COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF JOHNNY DEPP,” The People said with boldly increasing volume, also bestowing the benevolent grace of their recognition of things that are popular upon Emma Stone, Adam Sandler, Kim Kardashian, 2 Broke Girls, Bruno Mars, Lea Michele, and American Idol. And while there were a few, in People’s Choice terms, surprise dark horses such as Nathan Fillion and Supernatural, as usual the Awards were mostly about righting grievous critical wrongs, such as last year’s relentless trashing of Favorite Drama winner Water For Elephants and Favorite Superhero winner Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern, despite the fact that those movies clearly have attractive people in them. Look upon the complete list of winners here, and know the true will of The People.