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The Rolling Stones deny claims they’re breaking up, playing Glastonbury

After 50 years together, the Rolling Stones have apparently found at least a modicum of satisfaction. At least, that’s what they’re telling the British press after perennial purveyor of half-truths and injustices The Daily Mirror reported the band would call it quits after performing at next year’s Glastonbury Festival.

According to “sources close to the band” who spoke to The Mirror, the band will play a handful of shows in the UK and US next year before finally turning into a fine powder and gently blowing away on a slight breeze. A spokesman for the band told The Guardian, a slightly more reputable British paper, that the whole thing’s hogwash, and that the band has no such plans. “Everybody in the year off thinks they've come up with the perfect Glastonbury lineup,” the rep said, “but at the moment there isn't anything to confirm or deny."

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