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This Week In Grating Product Placement

"How did Mr. Clean save your relationship?"

This week in grating product placement.

1. The Black Eyed Peas for HP. 

 

Product placement is a necessary evil, and most of the time it's harmless. It gives TV producers and musicians and filmmakers money to do often worthwhile things. A Black Eyed Peas video, however, is not worthwhile thing—especially when it launches a completely useless chicken-egg conundrum in the viewer's mind: which came first, the Black Eyed Peas' The Net 2: Electric Boogaloo concept, or a meeting with HP? They could have just saved everyone some time and changed the lyrics to, "Gotta get that Boom Boom HP Touch Screen." If you're gonna write a jingle, Wil.i.am, just write a jingle.

2. The Real Housewives of NYC for GE Appliances.

Every episode of the Real Housewives Of NYC is like a long, shrill string of advertisements for the various things the various housewives are selling: Hideous owl brooches, sagging skin treatments, vegan cupcakes, dubious etiquette manuals, beautiful vintage inspired ego holders, glassy-eyed boredom, misery, etc. But those things are all just their own sad little misery projects they push to keep the hamster wheel in the "doing something" section of their minds spinning, and the meaninglessness of it all from closing in on them. But the whole, "Did you see our new appliances?" followed by a long lingering porny shot of the GE logo, followed by, "Yes! I like GE." exchange on this week's episode just added an unecessary extra layer of shame to the towering pile of shame that is the show. GE/NBC Universal/Bravo are now officially the 6th housewife.

3. Tyra Banks for Mr. Clean      

The unofficial motto of all talk shows is ABS (Always be shilling), but most talk show hosts won't have a fictional character/product spokesman on as a guest. Tyra Banks, however, would be more than happy to build an entire show around a guy dressed up as Mr. Clean. Sure, why not? He can, uh, help couples work through their problems with his many cleaning products. That works! Please make the check payable to "Bankable Productions" and send it c/o Tyra Banks, Edge Of The Great Abyss.