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Today in depressing remake news: Baywatch movie gets a director

If you’re like most of us, you greet the news of every new remake with weary resignation and a cry of “Dear Lord, when will this ever end?” Our guess? Never. According to Variety, the long-threatened big-screen adaptation of Baywatch has picked up speed with the announcement that newcomer Jeremey Garelick will direct in addition to rewriting the script.

Garelick had never actually seen the T&A heavy, substance light lifeguard saga that introduced many a young self-pleasurer to the sin of Onan before signing on but plans to recast the material as a broad comedy along the lines of Stripes or Police Academy. The 14-year-old me would be delighted by this kind of news. The 33-year-old me? Not so much.

On the bright side, it'd be pretty much impossible to dumb down Baywatch for movie audiences. There's nowhere to go but up.

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