Our fellow Americans, as well as our many readers who are not American and thus jealous of our freedom: Today is the Fourth of July, also known as Independence Day, and we are out celebrating our nation's declaration of liberation from tyranny and totally unfair taxes on tea. And as Thomas Jefferson once wrote, "It is incumbent on every man fortunate enough to ply a trade that isn't all that difficult, really, to take off work anyway and maybe go have a beer or two," and so that's what we're doing. But while Newswire won't be updated today, you can still use your constitutionally guaranteed right to read stuff on the Internet to check out part two of our Adventures Of Pete And Pete walkthrough and a Random Roles with Lesley Ann Warren, or revel in the freedom of the press that allows The Tolerability Index to hate on everything and Dan Savage to talk to people openly about their sexual habits. See you tomorrow.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org