A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Great Job, Internet! Coming Distractions
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes opt out of marriage

Suggesting that love is, sadly, neither enough nor contractually binding, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have allowed the renewal option on their five-year marriage to lapse, with both parties electing to pursue other projects. In a statement released to People, Holmes' attorney asked that the public respect that "this is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family," given that they are humans who have feelings and were in love, as outlined in Section II, Paragraph B. The statement also clarifies that Holmes' "primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter's best interest." That interest is still expected to continue to accrue, regardless of the current or future value of the couple's initial marriage investment. Cruise has yet to issue his own boilerplate statement mimicking the emotions of regret that he long ago evolved past, but it is surely forthcoming.  

Submit your Newswire tips here.