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Train is making mediocre wine now, too

Having discovered a way to suck all the flavor out of grapes, Docker rockers Train have announced plans to bottle their essence in their very own brand of wine, a boysenberry-enhanced 2009 Petite Sirah that they’ve dubbed “Drops Of Jupiter,” because “Hey Soul Sister Sirah” would just sound dumb, right? It’s the debut offering of the band’s Train Wine Club, which guitarist Jimmy Stafford believes will help them forge a connection akin to the one created by Jimmy Buffett and his love for margaritas: “Jimmy Buffett got known for margaritas because of a song he wrote… It almost created this community vibe,” Stafford tells Billboard, ignoring the fact that “Drops Of Jupiter” already establishes a mental connection between the song’s nonsensical lyrics and the meaninglessness of human existence. But then, you can’t put overwhelming despair in a picnic basket and bring it to a Train show, which is apparently what Stafford says he hopes fans will begin doing, thereby openly acknowledging the fact that a Train show is the sort of droning aural wallpaper that’s only enhanced by getting drunk on $10 wine.

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