Christmas—the holiday celebrated by millions of people for millennia, in commemoration of the birth of their professed savior Jesus Christ—will finally have meaning as of December 13, a day that shall see the dawn of Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas upon a lost and lonely world. It’s all happening as it was prophesied in 2011, when Tyler Perry came unto Tyler Perry and said, “Lo, I am Tyler Perry. Do not be afraid, for Tyler Perry brings you good news of great joy for all the people who will see anything with ‘Tyler Perry’ on it.” And this was a sign unto Tyler Perry that Tyler Perry should go and find a Tyler Perry swaddled in cloths and wigs—for this is Madea, and she is doubly profitable when you stick her in front of Christmas things. Unto Tyler Perry this day a play was born, A Madea Christmas, and with its success Tyler Perry would continue to reign in righteousness and slapping the back-sass out of you, forever and ever.
Now, in that most Tyler Perry of miracles, Tyler Perry will adapt Tyler Perry, bringing A Madea Christmas to the big screen with the help of Tyler Perry’s flock—Chad Michael Murray, Kathy Najimy, and Tyler Perry’s other most famous character, Larry The Cable Guy. In the reversal of cliché that is the hallmark of Tyler Perry productions, Murray will play the redneck who terrorizes the small country town Madea visits at Christmastime, while Larry The Cable Guy will play the “quirky patriarch of the white side of an interracial marriage.” Together these two embodiments of the only kinds of white people will help Christmas Madea achieve some semblance of racial harmony, bringing about peace on Earth and goodwill toward men hilariously dressed as stereotypes. Glory to Tyler Perry in the highest.