Ultraviolet

Crimes:

• Awkwardly cramming together dystopian science fiction, superheroes, and vampires

• Casting the expressionless, quiver-lipped Milla Jovovich as a gun-toting badass

• Making absolutely no damn sense

Defender: Star Milla Jovovich

Tone of commentary: Distracted. Jovovich admits from the outset that she has her dogs—"two miniature multis"—with her in the recording booth, and she spends as much time watching the movie with them and occasionally exclaiming, "This is rad!" and "Wooo!" as she does commenting. When she does talk, it's almost always about how intense the action scenes are. "This part is really like a dance. Ch-chooow!" Jovovich says. "Here I'm like a human Cuisinart. Shew-shew-shew-shew-shew! Here we go!"

What went wrong: According to Jovovich, the trailers on their Shanghai set were "really small," and filming the multi-costume-change action sequences "took forever," and she didn't like the driving sequences because "I am not good with moving vehicles," and one day she walked off the set because she didn't like how the Chinese were treating the monkeys.

Comments on the cast: Jovovich saves most of her comments for the stunt crew, noting that the Chinese stuntmen "don't play around," and that her personal double was "this rad rock 'n' roll chick, a breakdancer from Hawaii." And during the movie's gratuitous posterior nude scene, Jovovich cackles, "They had these really hot stand-in girls parading around the set. It took hours to get the shot right for some reason." She does have some kind words for her underage co-star, Cameron Bright. "He's soooo cute! He helped me hack through a couple of videogames that I brought with me."

Inevitable dash of pretension: Aside from one reference to A Tale Of Two Cities, Jovovich mostly confines her cultural allusions to comic books and Barbarella. She also praises writer-director Kurt Wimmer for his vision: "I could totally see Ultraviolet school folders, Ultraviolet pencils."

Commentary in a nutshell: "One of the best thing about sci-fi movies are these cityscapes. They should have a ride at Magic Mountain that's just like these insane cityscapes."

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