A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Staff Picks Newswire
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

U.S. government establishes first-ever task force to combat piracy

Hoping for the same swift victories it’s brought to the wars on drugs and terror, the federal government has established its first-ever task force to combat the threat of piracy—the stealing movies and TV shows kind, not the kidnapped by Somalis kind. “To state it very bluntly, piracy hurts," Vice President Joe Biden said during a White House press conference, possibly while dangling something distractingly shiny, adding, "It hurts our economy, our health and our safety.” Also, it’s something that doesn’t require plugging a giant hole in the world. To help him in his endeavor, Biden will hire 15 new assistant district attorneys and 20 FBI special agents whose sole job it will be to reclaim the estimated $20.5 billion lost annually to piracy, and make sure Americans can sleep soundly knowing that no one’s out there selling bootleg Toy Story 3 DVDs.  

Submit your Newswire tips here.