Watch all of House Of Cards in one sitting, then blink in terror at the sun

Watch all of House Of Cards in one sitting, then blink in terror at the sun

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, February 1, and Saturday, February 2. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
House Of Cards (Netflix, 1 p.m., Friday): Good news, everyone! Netflix’s House Of Cards is finally here, so you all you David Fincher and Kevin Spacey fans can get your fix of both men. If you’re just curious about an overview, Todd VanDerWerff’s take on the first two episodes is here, but if you want to do the weekly review thing, Ryan McGee’s one-episode-per-week reviews start up today, and we dearly hope you read, because if this Netflix “everything available on day one” thing because the usual, we’re all going to lose our jobs. Imagine the rest of this article written in between deep, soulful sobs.


REGULAR COVERAGE
Spartacus (Starz, 9 p.m., Friday): Ryan McGee is also covering this show again. What he’s most interested in is whether Spartacus or House Of Cards’ Frank Underwood would win in a fight. He’s pretty sure it’s the latter, because Frank would make sure Spartacus died in committee. Ha! Political humor!

Portlandia (IFC, 10 p.m., Friday): In this week’s episode, Joaquin’s friends decide to figure out why he keeps disappearing. Les Chappell once did this for his friend Joaquin Phoenix, and he eventually figured out the guy just kept going off to make movies. This is also how Les won an Oscar for Walk The Line.

Young Justice (Cartoon Network, 10:30 a.m., Saturday): This week’s episode is called “Runaways,” and we’re just sad it has nothing to do with Brian K. Vaughan’s Marvel series Runaways, because we’d like if that dinosaur was on this show. Oliver Sava is mostly just sad this show’s been all but canceled. Boo!

Girls (HBO, 10:05 p.m., Saturday): HBO is airing this and Enlightened a night early so it can avoid the Super Bowl, which means this is the most TV we’ve ever watched on a Saturday ever. Todd VanDerWerff knows that’s not true. He knows we were big fans of watching Craig T. Nelson is The District at one time.

Enlightened (HBO, 10:35 p.m., Saturday): Brandon Nowalk hopes you’ll pick up with this one, because it’s one of the best shows on TV. If you don’t want to stay home to watch it on a Saturday, though, you should really just watch it at its regular time on Sunday. Unless the 49ers win the Super Bowl, of course!


TV CLUB CLASSIC
The X-Files (1 p.m., Saturday): We’re setting aside this show for a while to pick up The Twilight Zone again once we reach the end of season seven in just a few weeks. Todd VanDerWerff hopes you’ll check out this week’s installment, written and directed by Gillian Anderson, because there may be sexy times!


WHAT ELSE IS ON
Drain The Ocean (National Geographic, 8 p.m., Friday): Are there no lengths to which the National Geographic Channel won’t go to ruin our beautiful planet? In this special, they’re going to drain the ocean, so they can walk around on its floor. National Geographic! Think of all the lovely manatees!

NAACP Image Awards (NBC, 8 p.m., Friday): The 44th annual awards honor achievements made in the arts by African Americans throughout the past year. We’re hoping all of the great TV shows about African American characters are celebrated! Because the networks are so committed to making them.

Best Super Bowl Concert Ever (VH1, 9 p.m., Friday): No, VH1. No! There is no way you can say that something is the “best” and then have it feature Train. It’s just not done. That said, we’ll forgive everything if Train sings “Calling All Angels” over moving footage of football players doing stuff.

Belle’s (TVOne, 10 p.m., Friday): As mentioned in our piece about A Different World, the black sitcom has mostly migrated to cable, and here’s TVOne’s latest attempt at reviving the genre. This one stars Keith David, so we’re hoping it’s good, if only because then he might be able to resurrect The Cape!

Betty & Coretta (Lifetime, 8 p.m., Saturday): The wives of Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcolm X attempt to keep things going after both of their husbands are assassinated, in a new movie starring Angela Bassett. We’d like to think Lifetime’s the best network to tackle this particular story. We’d like to.

Victorious (Nickelodeon, 8 p.m., Saturday): The students are asked to say, “Yes!” to everything for a week, like they’re trapped in a high-concept Jim Carrey comedy also starring Zooey Deschanel or something. Also, since this is somewhat unexpectedly the series finale, we’ll probably drop in for it.

Batman (IFC, 7:15 p.m., Friday): Remember that time when you were in the fourth grade, and this movie came out, and your friend thought he was cool and would say, “I’m Batman!” all the time, then chew on a piece of plastic he’d found. Remember how you probably needed better friends back then!

Captain Blood (TCM, 8 p.m., Friday): TCM’s annual celebration of movies successful with the Oscars kicks off, and tonight’s entry involves Errol Flynn as a pirate. All yo-ho-ho-and-a-bottle-of-rum-ing aside, this is a pretty kickass little adventure tale, and Flynn is a lot of fun to watch as he swashbuckles about.

The Five-Year Engagement (HBO, 8 p.m., Saturday): The people who saw this, both those who liked it and those who loathed it, all asked us one thing: “Did it have to be so long?” Well, you can decide that for yourself when you check out the movie’s HBO première tonight. Would Emily Blunt lead you astray?

NBA Basketball: Lakers at Timberwolves (ESPN, 9:30 p.m., Friday): TV Guide’s synopsis for this one helpfully points out that the Lakers are visiting “their original home city,” as though everybody who watches this game is going to start longing for the days of good ol’ George Mikan. Okay. We will. A little.

College Basketball: Nevada at New Mexico (NBC Sports, 8 p.m., Saturday): Hey, NBC Sports may not have the marquee match-ups that ESPN gets when it comes to college basketball, but it has to air something, and if you live in Nevada or New Mexico, you’re probably pretty happy that it’s airing this!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Do No Harm (Thursday): Did you watch this one? Did you hear the amazing final line? Did you know that thing about the monkeys? Does it make sense that we’re bringing up monkeys? Zack Handlen watched two episodes, and he spends much of his review talking about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Be ready for that.