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This week we’re barely putting up with the VMAs

A guide to what we’re barely putting up with this week.

The Trip To Italy. Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon make road trip comedies so good you forget they’re road trip comedies.

Investigation Discovery’s high camp crime reenactment parade/has-been dumping ground, Heartbreakers. If you were wondering what happened to that guy from that show from two decades ago, he’s on ID, pretending to murder that girl from that other show.

The nth cycle of America’s Next Top Model. There are two gimmicks this season: a contestant with vitiligo, and Tyra Banks being officially out of ideas.

The Expendables 3. Maybe next time all those one-time action stars can put on SWAT gear and just make a poster instead of an entire movie?

The return of Burger King’s greasy breaded straws, chicken fries. A more accurate name would be chicken shouldn’t-exists.

A song so bad it makes you long for the pop whining of the Pussycat Dolls, G.R.L.’s “Ugly Heart.” So that’s what the synchronized electronic voices of five living Barbies shouting into a tin can sounds like.

MTV’s annual televised headache, the VMAs. Hear all the songs from your favorite commercials live in a pulsating, retina-agitating thunderdome brought to you by Samsung Galaxy and Proactiv!