Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, November 16, and Saturday, November 17. All times are Eastern.
The X-Files/Millennium (1 p.m., Saturday): It began two years ago with a totally ridiculous plan and an irresponsible dream: Why not cover all three seasons of Chris Carter’s X-Files follow-up, Millennium, a show that very few people care about anymore and a show that’s difficult to catch up with if you had a yen to do so, because Fox has yet to make a deal to put it on any streaming service. Yet Todd VanDerWerff and Zack Handlen were undeterred! Actually, Zack was all, “I dunno…” but Todd said, “YOU MUST, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!” so Zack just went along with whatever he said. And now Zack has to review the series finale to a show that just sorta petered out. Really makes you think.
Fringe (Fox, 9 p.m., Friday): A member of the team creates a Fringe event as the rebellion heats up. Silly Fringe agents! Don’t they know that they’re meant to stop Fringe events? Actually creating one would be… well, that would just be an unusual occurrence! Noel Murray says it’s like rain on your wedding day.
Grimm (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday): In an episode entitled “Season Of The Hexenbiest,” Nick, Hank, and Juliette all… wait… what? “Season Of The Hexenbiest”? Is this something that’s supposed to… make sense? What the hell is up with this show, Grimm fans? Les Chappell is too busy to call us about it.
Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 p.m., Saturday): Jeremy Renner drops by to host, while Maroon 5 is the musical act. David Sims can only hope that Renner duets with Adam Levine on “Moves Like Jagger.” Shut up! He just thinks that could be kind of funny. Not like he has daily dreams about it or anything!
WHAT ELSE IS ON
America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 8 p.m., Friday): We were surprised as anyone when this show—which has decidedly seen better days—received a pick-up for another season, which will apparently feature male models or something. Margaret Eby checks out the finale of this slowly deflating season.
Craft In America (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): Lock the door, turn off your lights, and hang up your hand-stitched sign reading, “I’m learning about the history of crafting in America, fuckers!” because it’s time for the series to look into furniture design and pottery. You know you want to watch that, crafters!
Raised Wild (Animal Planet, 9 p.m., Friday): Animal Planet has finally gotten to covering the issues that really matter, which include a Ugandan monkey boy, who was raised in the wild by a troupe of, well, monkeys. As fellow feral children—raised by prairie dogs, yo!—we’re happy this series is debuting.
Hunted (Cinemax, 10 p.m. Friday): Haven’t been watching this one? Well, it’s time to catch up, because tonight’s episode is a great turning point, following last week’s equally exciting turning point. Come to think of it, all this show is is turning points. Then again, it’s a spy show, so that’s no surprise, huh?
Jeff Dunham: Spark Of Insanity (CMT, 7:30 p.m., Saturday): Okay, Dunham heads! We know you’re out there, and we know you love both our site and the comedic stylings of Jeff Dunham and Peanut. And for all the rest of you, no, Jeff Dunham and Lena Dunham are not related, so stop trying to suggest they are.
Matchmaker Santa (Hallmark, 8 p.m., Saturday): So, a mall Santa arranges for a woman to be stranded in a quaint small town over the holidays with a handsome stranger? And he does this all the time? TV Editor Todd VanDerWerff needs to write a letter of resignation. He’s becoming a matchmaker Santa!
Lawrence Of Arabia (TCM, 8 p.m., Friday): Haven’t seen this movie yet? What are you waiting for?! It’s only one of the greatest films ever made, and if you have an HD feed and a big enough TV, this is going to blow your feeble little mind, son. The Aqaba sequence alone is going to make you goggle. Watch!
Definitely, Maybe (Oxygen, 8:10 p.m., Friday): Do you like romantic comedies about sadness and crushing disappointment?! Well, you’re just like us, then, because we don’t like believe love is possible. In that regard, this clever little film—half romcom, half mystery—only lets us down at the very end.
The Mummy Returns (Bravo, 8 p.m., Saturday): There’s nothing quite like a Mummy movie to completely and utterly prove that Bravo has left its original mandate to show challenging and artsy programming, often of the performing arts variety, far, far behind. Then again, Rachel Weisz! Hurrah!
NBA Basketball: Jazz at 76ers (ESPN, 7 p.m., Friday): ESPN continues its weird attempts to get us invested in the Philadelphia 76ers by broadcasting yet another game featuring them. These two teams, natural rivals, of course, split their series 1-1 last season, so this one’s all about revenge, we’ll bet.
College Football: Old Dominion at James Madison (NBC Sports, 8 p.m., Saturday): This matchup is so exciting that the TV Guide description can only muster up a, “Old Dominion at James Madison,” so agog is it at the thought of all the potential craziness that could ensue when these two teams meet up again.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Parks & Recreation (Thursday): Sure, you could talk about April starting to step up and take initiative. You could talk about how the show has gotten back to its original mission statement of building a park. Or you could talk about Ben’s career prospects. But Steve Heisler is all about the Joe Biden cameo. As he should be.