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What Marmaduke Will Teach Your Children

"Look, kids! It's bad CGI."

Marmaduke is, obviously, a movie for children—children who apparently will only go see a talking-dog movie if the dogs are voiced by big-name actors like Kiefer Sutherland and Owen Wilson, and also by Fergie. Kids love Fergie. She taught them how to spell "glamorous."

But what will Marmaduke teach your children?  What impressions will it leave on their adorable, silly-putty brains? After all, live-action talking dog and/or baby films are some of the most important educators of our children, and their lessons last a lifetime. (As a child, Look Who's Talking taught me what artificial insemination was, the defining characteristic of a Russ Meyer movie, and that all male babies think in Bruce Willis's voice.) So what lessons does Marmaduke have to impart to our children?  The trailer below holds a few clues:

Marmaduke will teach kids:


--What bad CGI looks like

--Important high-school movie clichés

--How dogs kiss

--that Chihuahuas are hilariously Mexican

--The song "California Love"

--What it looks like when William H. Macy has the dignity knocked out of him. Twice.

--That all comedies must end with the hideous spectacle of a group line dance