What To Call Your Dull, Trivial, Age-Related Angst

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What To Call Your Dull, Trivial, Age-Related Angst

There I was, chillaxing, having a solitary liquid brunch, free to fully indulge my drunkorexic tendencies without guilt because my manny (he's a dream) was watching the kids, when I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of dread. Well, not quite dread. I mean, dread was there, don't get me wrong, but it was more like, "Oh no, did I make the right decisions in my life?" and "I'm getting old," coupled with, "Ow! Balancing things is just so hard," "Agh! Life!" and "Thirtysomething was a really, really relatable show." Ten minutes on the emotional roller coaster later, I found myself curled up in a fetal position on the floor of my husband's walk-in closet, crying on his dark brown, strappy mandals, blubbering something about going to buy the Thirtysomething DVD. Weird, right?

But as it turns out, I didn't have a psychotic break (and not just because I made up that whole scene). According to this article, I was just in the throes of a severe Thrisis. My dull, trivial, age-related angst has a name! A really, really stupid name!

From the Times Of London:

If you're in your mid-thirties, hassled by the dramas of juggling work and family, doubting decisions you've made professionally and personally, panicked by the ageing process and dismayed that your years of snogging in nightclubs are behind you, then you're probably in the grip of an early midlife crisis – otherwise known as a thrisis.


Ok, so if you're 35, alive, and annoying, you're having a Thrisis, and if you're 25, alive, and annoying you're having a Quarterlife crisis. But what about all of life's other annoying, angsty ages? Where are the ridiculous names for them? See below.

What To Call Your Dull, Trivial, Age-Related Angst

Eleventeenitis: Life crisis experienced by 11 and 12-year-old girls who are afraid to turn 13. Sometimes involves "Am I too old for Bratz now?"-related depression.

BestTimeOfMyLife Disease: The particular angst of college students who are constantly told, "This is the best time of your life," and who subsequently spend hours drinking to either make it true, or drinking and crying because, if that is true, it's really depressing.

Cusp-iety: Angst felt by people in cusp ages, like 24-year-olds, or 29-year-olds, who are at least a year away from having various official crises, and feeling anxious about their impending age-related anxiety.

Patisserie Ennui: A specific type of angst felt by people of French descent in their mid-twenties, when they can't find a decent palmier. (This is the kind of angst I have right now. Basically, it's hell.)

Entouragetigo: Curious, overwhelming sense of doubt and fear that single young men in their early 30s feel when their close male friends begin to get married. Can be exacerbated by watching HBO's Entourage.

Golden Girls Syndrome: The heady mix of doubt, anger, and emptiness 60-something female roommates feel when their lives don't directly mirror those of the women on The Golden Girls.
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