Every once in a while, a pop culture "controversy" will bubble to the surface like so many frothy vomit punchlines told by Glenn Beck, and it will fill you with a vague fog of rage. Certainly something about it makes you angry, but you're not sure what. You need to hone your ire, whittle it down to a sharp prison yard shank of emotion—and The Hater is here to help you. Together we can harness your negativity, which, as we all know, is a great source of energy. Let's Choose Your Outrage!
It's been four days since David Letterman revealed on his show that he'd been the victim of an apparent extortion attempt and that, over the years, he had sexual relationships with some of his female staff members. In that time, you've probably seen the media conversation change from "Who tried to extort Letterman?" to "Who did Letterman have sex with?" to "How could Letterman have a consensual fling with someone in the workplace? That's the worst thing anyone could ever do in the workplace?!?" to "Are people going to stop watching Letterman? They'll probably stop, right? Because he had a number of consensual sexual relationships with women who have worked for him over the years—which is a little creepy, yes, but definitely not surprising because, hello, that's how he met his wife and, before her, his longtime girlfriend Merrill Markoe—but of course people will stop watching because, ew, sex with people from work, right?"
What? Yes. There are polls now. Polls speculating as to whether or not a sex non-scandal—that only became a "scandal" because a 48-Hours producer tried to extort Letterman, which is an actual scandal—will cause people to stop watching Letterman.
From Entertainment Weekly:
Whoops, EW. Looks like you forgot a few options. And since we already know what the worst part of David Letterman's workplace fling non-scandal is—namely that it's somehow become a scandal—let's round out that poll:
Will you be less inclined to tune to 'The Late Show' in the wake of David Letterman's scandal?
• Yes (I'm a woman)
• No (I'm a woman)
• Yes (I'm a man)
• No (I'm a man)
• Yes (I'm intersexed or eunuch)
• No (I'm intersexed or eunuch)
• Maybe? (I am Merman or Mermaid, sea creature of the deep)
• I found this poll looking for Target coupons and have no opinion (except that there should be more Target coupons)
• What's The Late Show?
• If only there were more meaningless polls speculating on various non-issues online!
• Since when has a sex scandal stopped people from watching anything
• Shut up.