Every once in a while, a pop-culture "controversy" will bubble to the surface like so many frothy vomit punchlines told by Glenn Beck, and it will fill you with a vague fog of rage. Certainly something about it makes you angry, but you aren't sure what. You need to hone your ire, whittle it down to a sharp prison-yard shank of emotion—and The Hater is here to help you. Together, we can harness your negativity, which, as we all know, is a great source of energy. Let's Choose Your Outrage!
Over the weekend, Kevin Smith, of Clerks, Mallrats, and being Kevin Smith fame, was kicked off of a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat to "comfortably lower the armrest." Naturally, Smith started Twittering his outrage at Southwest Airlines, because what is Twitter for, except the public airing of air-travel-related grievances? Southwest apologized to Smith, offered him a $100 voucher, and re-booked him on another flight—but they also noted that Smith usually buys two seats when flying on Southwest, and on the flight in question, he was flying stand-by and there was only one seat available. Southwest says they removed him "for the safety and comfort of all customers." Kevin Smith says he passed "the armrest test" and "@SouthwestAir, go fuck yourself," amongst other things.
Choose Your Outrage!
The worst part about this is:
a. That it involves Southwest Airlines.
b. That it involves Kevin Smith.
c. That it forces you to imagine sitting in a cramped Southwest Airlines seat next to Kevin Smith for the entirety of a long Southwest Airlines flight.
d. That it forces you to imagine being on a Southwest Airlines flight at all.
e. That anyone would actually expect a good flying experience from an airline that doesn't even bother to assign seats to its passengers, instead opting for an "Okay, on the count of three, everyone panic and run to get in line for seats!" policy.
f. This line from a People article about the incident, "'I know I'm fat,' Smith confesses." (Oh. Well, now that he's "confessed," what's his penance?)
g. Kevin Smith's insistence that this isn't just a giant hissy fit made public… it could happen to you! ("Wanna tell me I'm too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.") But only if you also are in the habit of both flying Southwest and buying two seats when you fly Southwest.
h. That because of this story, you learned (via a pop-up ad) that Jason Alexander is now a Jenny Craig spokesperson.
i. All of the above.